In David Maister’s classic, The Trusted Advisor, he tells a story of a study done on graduate students and their faculty advisors.
They were each asked to, essentially, rate the trustworthiness of themselves and the other.
What happened?
“The results were that each group perceived themselves to be more trustworthy than the other group.”
More than that, they each actually believed that the other party would agree that they were the most trustworthy person.
I think about this every time I see a sign, ad, or promotion that hinges on trustworthiness as the benefit.
“The plumber you can trust,” or, “The accountant you can count on,” that sort of thing.
We not only have this instinctive belief that we’re more trustworthy than everyone else, but we also think that everyone else will agree!
But trust must be earned, it can’t just be asserted.
To do that, as Maister says, “You must go first. You must give a favor to earn a favor. The one you are trying to influence must visibly perceive that you are willing to be the first to make an investment in the relationship in order to earn and deserve the relationship.”
Which means, instead of saying, “I’m honest,” you want to deliver a bit of value that demonstrates that honesty.
And one of the most effective ways to do that is to make an “admission against interest,” in the words of crisis consultant Peter Sandman.
Say something the other party assumes you wouldn’t want them to know, and they’ll be inclined to believe it.
That’s why I say you should tell them what you don’t do. By demonstrating our priorities and our tradeoffs, and honestly talking about them, we build more trust than if we claimed we could do everything.
Maister makes the point even more strongly:
“Always tell the exact truth about what you can (and can’t) do, and when you can (and can’t) deliver. Sometimes in an effort to get the work, we say yes to work that can only be completed (if at all) with great personal pain. It’s not worth it. Repeat: It’s not worth it.”
“One more time, for emphasis: It’s not worth it.”
So if you want to be seen as trustworthy, the trick is to not just say it. We must do something different than everyone else we claim to be more trustworthy than.
And, often, that means saying what we don’t do.
So they more easily trust we’re good at the things we actually do.
Kelford Inc. shows you the way to always knowing what to say.